..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
