I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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