I'm drive I can fine osifer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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