3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
