Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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