so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
