is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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