hotel room ftw
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
