i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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