Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
