Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
