i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
