Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How naked do you want me to be?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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