i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
