just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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