I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
