drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
