seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
