Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
