I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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