you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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