ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
