I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
