last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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