New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
