he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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