she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
