get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
