if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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