i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
