small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
