yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
