it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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