i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
