uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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