We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
