from now on my penis is your penis
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's blow job season.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
