So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
