I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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