the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
