I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
