You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
