Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
