Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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