I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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