Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
