One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
