I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
