so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
