So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
