I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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