you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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