I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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