the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
