as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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