i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
