If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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