We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize