I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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