I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
