you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize