he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
