I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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