i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
