she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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