So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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