why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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