When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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