im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
