I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
