carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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