He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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