Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
