very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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