jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
