I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
