i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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