last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
