you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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