He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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