I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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