so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
