I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
